Friday, August 20, 2010

The Past Forty Weeks

Well, I never thought I'd see 40 weeks with this pregnancy.  Tomorrow is my Estimated Due Date August 21.  When I found out I was pregnant, I had missed my period and had avoided taking a pregnancy test because I was still nursing Meena.  I realized I hadn't been producing enough milk either.  I pumped one day and only pumped 1 oz out of both breast after pumping for 10 minutes.  I knew something was going on.  She was already being supplemented with formula by this time she was 8 months and she was eating food like a champ so I wasn't concerned about her nutrition.  Then, I started spotting.  I wouldn't call it a period.  So, I was confused --was I pregnant or not?  We got the chance last minute to go out to husband's family in Colorado for Christmas/New Year Holiday and I knew I had to take a test before we left.  My birthday was also in that mix of holidays, and I knew I would be drinking a lot.  Sure enough, confirmed.  Big Fat Positive.  I didn't say anything to husband---until the 1st night we were out in Colorado.  He wanted to get me a beer and I said we need to talk instead.  Ha Ha...he wasn't excited.  Why?  I had recently quit my job to be a SAHM and he had just graduated #1 in his Commercial Dive Class.  He had expected as he was promised these great job opportunities that never happened.  It was a nightmare and he was stressed.
Then, one night while we were out there, I bled alot.  I bled for 2 days.  I cried.  I had assumed I lost the baby.  We finally came home to Chicago and with no insurance at all, I looked into a clinic.  One clinic I called would not get me in until March.  I would be 16 weeks by that time.  I found one that could check me I was 8 or 9 weeks along by that time.  I had taken a pregnancy test again when we came home expecting to see a negative but it was still showing positive.  When I went for my check up, the OB just said it could have been old blood but everything sounded fine and I shouldn't be concerned.

Then, more stress just piled on this pregnancy.  Shortly after we came home in January, on the 16th of January, my dad was admitted to the hospital.  The doctor had found a tumor on his colon.  It was shortly confirmed a few days later he had stage 4 colon cancer.  I cried as I sat up at night researching outcomes of this.  It did not look good.  I would go and visit him when I could and he had such a great spirit.  He just wanted to get the Hell out of there so he could get back to work because he was sure they were screwing something up.  In February, Shelby decided to go down to Arkansas and stay with a buddy from his Diving School.  They talked about starting their own company since neither still had found work.  With the help of family and friends they were able to get enough to get the company going, and it was decided I would be moving down here shortly.  I was hesitant in wanting to leave Chicago with my dad being so sick.  I talked to him about it and he would tell me it sounds great Babe!  I wish you guys the best of luck.  So, we moved to Arkansas on Meena's 1st Birthday, March 27, 2009.

I had to go back to Chicago a week later for an ultrasound.  We had found out it was a girl and everything was good.  That relieved a lot of emotional stress I had felt with the beginning of the pregnancy.  I would visit my dad that April 5th and he looked a bit more tired than he did at my daughter's party 2 weeks before.  i cried every time I left him.  All I would have loved to do with him is go and sit and have a beer and hear his "boring stories" about rebuilding clutches and brakes at work and what so and so did at work.  But that couldn't happen.  We would sit and chat about mundane things.  My father was a very quiet man, not much of a conversationalist unless he had a few beers in him.

We, Shelby, Malachi, Meena and I , went to Chicago one month later.  It was Mother's Day Weekend.  And Meena and I both had doctor appointments.  I was picking up my records as I would no longer be traveling to Chicago for appointments and had to find a doctor in Ark.  and Meena had her one year check up.  My dad looked real bad to me.  The chemo had taken a toll on him and he was tired.  My mom tried to get a picture of him and the 2 kids well all 3 were looking a different way and somehow an argument started between my parents.  Stress on my mom I am sure.  But my dad who rarely raised his voice yelled at her, she yelled at him and stormed out of the house, my son was confused and I started crying.  This was the last visual I had of my parents together.  The next day was Mother's Day and when I went there, my mom was out with her sister, and I spent some time with my father.  I got some nice pictures of us.  This would be the last time I would see him.

One month later, my mom calls to tell me my dad was in the hospital AGAIN.  Mini Heartattacks.  Shelby tells me to start packing we were going home and I was okay.  I was going to see my dad and he was going to tell me once again" The Damn Doctors just trying to make money off of me.  They don't know a damn .  thing!  Tell me what I can and can't eat or do...blah blah blah"....We drove 10 hours home.  Drove through a  wicked storm through Missouri.  I got to my condo where my brother lives now, at 5:45 AM.  David said as soon as we walked in ,"Dad passed away at 10 PM."  I was stunned.  I sat down.  I looked at him and for the first time I saw tears in my brother's eyes.  I knew it was real.  I took a deep breath and my husband sat next to me and put his hand on my knee and then I let out a cry.  It was a long week.  My mom's birthday was 2 days later and she didn't want to do the wake and funeral until after her birthday.  It was so dreadful for me, but it was her husband of 37 years. 

I came home to Arkansas, and had my prenatal check ups and everything seemed well.  Except I was told I was stressed out and needed to eat more.  The Midwife told me I needed to relax or this baby would come early.  At 34 weeks, I lost my mucus plug.  I called the Midwife and I went in to see her the next day.  She said everything was fine, it was just my body preparing for the baby and the baby can come anytime now.  Since I delivered Meena at 38 weeks, I had assumed this one was coming early.  Week 37 I was awoken at 2AM with contractions for 2 hours.  Later, that morning was ironically another prenatal and she checked me and said I was not in labor but I was dilated to a 2.  So, things were happening.  I picked up my birthing pool and we have everything set and ready to go.  Week 38, Contractions again for about 2 and half hours, I call the Midwife she says call her in one hour and tell her what is going on.  Everything had stopped.  I haven't had any activity in over a week. 

I had an appointment yesterday, Thursday, and she said I look ready.  I feel ready.  I feel like that turkey in the oven on Thanksgiving who's timer went off but the wife is too busy running around to pull it out.  I did tell her I didn't want her to stimulate my cervix since technically I still have 2 more weeks.  Babies come when they want to...and maybe this baby just needs a little bit more time to cook.  Yes, it's frustrating.  Yes, it's upsetting when people say "Isn't that baby here yet????(Especially when the due date hasn't even happened)" But everyone is just excited to here of happy news, and I'm cranky, hot and 40 weeks pregnant(LOL). 
Maybe the Ultrasound tech was wrong and the big joke is, the baby is really a boy!  We will all just have to wait and see...and when Baby makes an appearance I will blog about the experience.
Baby's 40 weeks with me have been an emotional journey and I'm sorry that I have cried so much these past nine months, Baby is probably afraid to come out, She probably thinks it's scary out here.  But when she does, She has a big brother and Big Sister who are very excited to meet her.  They kiss the belly everynight and every morning.  I just can't wait until they can kiss the actual baby! 

1 comment:

  1. OhMyGosh Jennifer I just cried while I read that whole post... I can't imagine actually going through all of it! You are such a strong woman! I can't wait to read your birth story, I'm sure I will cry during that too :)

    My hubby took that driving class a few yrs ago. We both had CDL's but he wanted to upgrade, so he took the class. They promised him great jobs too. I guess that's how they suck you in. The ONLY jobs available were over the road jobs - which he can't do because of his position at church. Those people are liars. I'm still ticked off about it :(